Okay, we need to talk about this. WTF went down last night on American Horror Story? Is this episode called ‘The Replacements’ because everyone is being replaced? Oh- guess I should mention…SPOILER ALERTS!
It’s 1971, and Fiona is a young, beautiful witch. She’s having a conversation with an older woman who we find out is the supreme witch of her generation. Fiona doesn’t partake in activities with the other witches, her focus is being a supreme and proving to the elderly she has what it takes. But the old woman laughs Fiona off, reminding her what she had to go through to become a supreme.
Then Fiona fights back, the old woman is dying she says, she has diabetes and heart problems, she’s not fit to be a supreme anymore. Then Fiona cuts the old woman’s throat and kills her on the living room floor of Miss Robichaux’s. The camera zooms out and we can see Spalding (the butler) watching over her.
Jump back to the present, Fiona’s sitting at a bar looking stunning as always. Her voice drifts in with a beautiful monologue voice over I wish I could remember. Then we see a handsome guy, he looks over in her direction, then starts walking towards her. She talks about being young and being sexy, how every man wanted her, “My partners have been princes and starving artists, Greek gods and clowns.” All the men she had, thought they were leading her, but to Fiona they were just ‘primitive, beautiful animals’, so she led them by the collar. And then the camera zooms out and the handsome man has arrived at his target point, a group of young girls, while Fiona is in the background by the bar, watching them. It was such an amazing scene, everything she is, everything she is about is literally summed up in that 20 second monologue. I love this show.
After Delia finds out she for sure can’t have any kids, her only option is to visit Marie (Angela Bassett). Marie tells her she can do the fertility spell, then the episode cuts into a video montage of Marie acting out the spell in a weird ‘dancing circle with semen on a fire act’. It cuts back to her salon and Delia is worried but excited. Then Marie tells her it will cost 50k…Delia swears she will somehow come up with the money. Then Marie tells her…she won’t do the spell. Ever. Marie tells Delia she will never do anything for her because Delia’s mother is her sworn enemy. Delia sits there with tears in her eyes.
After Zoe meets Kyle’s mother she decides she’s going to bring Kyle back to her. The mother admits she was ready to hang herself when she got the phone call from Zoe. Meanwhile, Misty and Kyle are back inside the cabin. Misty is blasting Stevie Nicks, who apparently made all these songs about witches and spirits and is Ryan Murphy’s close friend, so now they’re using her music. Zoe arrives to pick up her boyfriend, Misty shows off Kyle’s scars- or lack there of. He’s almost fully healed, well his body, he’s still a mute motionless man. Zoe picks him up and promises she’ll return for Misty. Only Misty doesn’t believe her.
Back to Miss Robichaux’s house, there’s a new neighbour in town and he is smokin’ hot! The girls are spying on him while he’s shirtless, until his mother walks up and sees them watching. She yells at him to come back in the house and put a shirt on. It sparked an interesting conversation between the girls. Nan confidently admits she’s not a virgin, Queenie on the other hand proclaimed she was saving herself for someone special. And Madison…we already know the answer to that. Later, Nan decides to bake a cake for the hottie and take it over. Her and Madison show up at the house, the mother is apalled by Madison’s wardrobe, Nan is too cute, she totally reads hot guy’s mind. (I think I want that superpower) He loves the cake and hates the attention Madison is craving. Ohhhh yeahh, hot guys a good guy!
Hot guy’s mom is a crazy church lady, after Madison uses her witch powers to throw the knife to the wall, the mother demands the they leave her house immediately. On the way out, Madison lights the curtains on fire, Nan looks at her, “I didn’t know you could do that” Madison replies, “Me either”. Does this mean Madison could be the next supreme? She can throw things and light things on fire…she has two powers…this isn’t looking good for Fiona.
Kathy Bates was by far the funniest thing on last night’s episode. She’s starring at the TV…balling her eyes out as she watches President Obama deliver a speech. She’s not crying because she’s proud, she’s crying because a black man is being named President. She doesn’t believe it until Fiona walks in and tells her what she’s missed over the last century.
Zoe returns Kyle back to his mother. She leaves them alone. Kyle’s mother is crazy, after seeing him in the shower she asks him where his body came from. He looks bigger, he doesn’t look like the boy she knew. And boy did she ‘raise’ him…she starts touching Kyle in all the wrong places and we see a better picture of Kyle’s background. Later, when he can’t take it anymore, he whacks his mother to death with an old sports trophy. Zoe visits him a few hours later, she sees his mother’s dead body…and then sees him covered in blood.
Back at the house, Kathy Bates and Queenie are fixing dinner. Correction, Kathy Bates is now a house slave for Queenie….oh how the roles have been reversed. Queenie demands Kathy bake her a peach cobbler…while they’re busy yapping away at each other, they hear a grunt coming from outside. Kathy Bates knows right away who it is. It’s the half bull half man guy at her door!
Queenie yells at Kathy to go upstairs, she’ll take care of this. Queenie steps outisde, at first it looks like she’s got everything under control- and then she starts looking afraid. She calls the animal over, and lures him into the backyard area. Then out of nowhere, she starts touching herself!!! I guess she tries to turn the bull on? It looks like he’s feeling it, until the bull gets behind her…and then grabs her face. Cut Scene! Whaaaaaaaat?!?!!?
Finally, Fiona decides to spend some quality time with Madison. She finds out that Madison lit the curtains on fire and is immediately suspicious new girl might be the new supreme. They spend a night on the town getting hammered, except Madison is actually downing the shots and Fiona is just pretending to drink. [Side Note: Fiona visits her doctor earlier and finds out she has cancer, her immune system is shutting down, she’s dying.]
Then, the unthinkable happens. Fiona and Madison return home, they start talking and Fiona admits to Madison that she might be the next supreme. Madison laughs it off. Fiona grabs the knife (they’re standing in the same spot where Fiona killed the elderly supreme) she begs Madison to kill her. She’s already dying and wants to die. Madison calls her crazy she refuses to grab the knife, in the scuffle of screaming and pushing, Fiona slices Madison’s throat and the young girl falls to the floor. Spalding is standing in the doorway, in the same spot…watching Fiona. She walks over to him, he hands her a tissue to wipe the blood away from the knife. She takes seat and says, ‘We don’t need a new supreme, we need a new rug’.
The End.
WTF? So wait are all the young witches except for Nan about to die? Is Madison really dead? What are your thoughts?
The Hollywood Heroine 