RIVERDALE: The Sticky Maple

We found this part of Riverdale’s third episode to be the highlight of our week. So before the new episode airs tonight, here’s our list of the funniest comments from Veronica’s sticky maple situation.

This post was co-written by The Sassy Gay.

10. CHERYL BLOSSOM – I usually pity the poor, but…

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The Hollywood Heroine: I didn’t really feel no ways about this one, is it an insult? Is it just like side commentary? It makes me feel like she forgot the rest of her joke. She makes the number 10 spot because I assumed she would’ve taken a harder shot. Three dotted endings are so overrated. Next…………

The Sassy Gay: I feel like Cheryl’s gotta keep it lowkey with her insults. Being queen bee at school only works if you have followers. And V could snatch that crown if she’s not careful. This was rude but def not too bad

9. SIMON SILVERSTEIN – Justice 4 Veronica Lodge!…Said no one ever!

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The Hollywood Heroine: LOL this was just straight up rude! It sounds to me like Simon would definitely be voting for someone like Trump so I already don’t like him. Also Simon, nobody would ever say Justice 4 Veronica Lodge because that just sounds stupid. So yeah, your insult sucked and your Instagram feed probably does to.

The Sassy Gay: SO straight up savage. Just point blank calling out V. This one got me – these Riverdale kids don’t let up

8. ADAM CHISHOLM – Who ordered the nasty girl? Not me…

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The Hollywood Heroine: We have two Adams on this list, but this one seems to be the party pooper out of the two. This Adam is not down for the nasty which is kind of boring. You’re very G-rated Adam, and we’re sorry you felt you had to admit that.

The Sassy Gay: This Adam is SO rude. And “Nasty girl”? Was he watching the Trump vs. Hillary debates or something?

7. ADAM MCDONALD – Wait actually – I’d still go 4 it. Don’t mind sloppies

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The Hollywood Heroine: On the other hand, I like this Adam more. He’s totally straight up, no shame in the game and he basically admits he’s down for the V regardless of the sticky maple sitch.

The Sassy Gay: Ugh so gross. Boys totally suck. I didn’t think people still abbreviated words with numbers. Adam’s gotta work on his comment game

6. LINA MURRAY – OMG. U gotta go V. Stop giving us a bad rap #stickymaple #BYE

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The Hollywood Heroine: Who’s giving who a bad rap LINA? The last time I checked Beyonce told us all to be feminists so why you joining in on this slut-shaming Instagram post? Why don’t you stop giving women a bad rap and check what team you’re playing for. #girlbye

The Sassy Gay: HASHTAG STICKY MAPLE. Can we please make that a thing???

5. FRANKIE VALDEZ – Girrrrll…GET! IT! TOGETHER!

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The Hollywood Heroine: I like Frankie, because Frankie legitimately seems like he/she is worried about V.  Like Frankie just wants V to get her sh** together and win at life. So I’m okay with Frankie, but also Frankie – caps lock isn’t cool and you just sound really aggressive. We appreciate you Frankie.

The Sassy Gay: LMAO. Realistically he should’ve opted for the “U” version of GURRRRRRRL. And true, he’s lowkey rooting for her? Maybe??? (Just trying to be hopeful on these harsh ass comments)

4. ACE MCDONALD/MCDOLAND – [We can send this girl back to NYC but we have 2 buy another ticket 4 her eyebrows.] [Actually, make that 2 more tickets. 1 for each eyebrow]

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The Hollywood Heroine: I love Ace because Ace felt like one comment wasn’t enough, so he clicked back to the comments section and dropped another shot at V. Also I died at this one because he was taking shots at her eyebrows, and that hits hard because we take our eyebrows very seriously. Her brow game is strong though so she shouldn’t worry. Also, looks like thats a typo – somebody getting fired in the graphics department.

The Sassy Gay: HAHAHAHAH. TWO COMMENTS! I love that he just came hard at her. One thing to note as well is when you watch that scene, there is a reaction shot of V reading them and she mouths “eyebrows”. DEAD.

3. BERK COOK- LEAVE R’DALE PLZ. U R GROSS. TAKE UR STICKY SELF BACK 2 NYC SO THE RATS CAN EAT U CUZ U DON’T EVEN HAVE AN APT ANYMORE.

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The Hollywood Heroine: Okay this one had me laughing the hardest because he literally wrote an essay to insult her. He couldn’t even spell Riverdale in its entirety, and then legit went all the way to introduce animals and the fact that she doesn’t have a residence in NYC anymore. Berk Cook, you are amazing.

The Sassy Gay: Lol Berk. The most full storyfied insult I’ve ever seen. I also love that he is lit-er-all-y shortening a tiny town. Like whyyy?

2. MIKE GOLLIGER – Wow fam, how ratchet is New Girl?

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The Hollywood Heroine: I think it’s safe to say Mike is a New Girl fan, because that sh** was properly capitalized like the TV show. But also, I love how family oriented he is when he’s slut shaming V on fake Instagram, he’s making her ratchet-ness known to all of his ‘fam’.

The Sassy Gay: AHAHAHAH. FAM, Riverdale trying real hard to be current with their slang. Good job, fam. Super current.

1. ANGEL ANGELINO  – Go back to New York, you nasty doe

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The Hollywood Heroine: Oh you nasty doe. I love this one just because it’s straight to the point and so savage. Also I love how somebody was like don’t write it with ‘though’ write it with ‘doe’. Amazing.

The Sassy Gay: I couldn’t stop laughing at all of these but this one killed me so hard. You’re right – so short and abrupt. No bull-sh, just full out shade


We hope you guys enjoyed the article – we had a blast putting this one together. Don’t forget to watch Riverdale on The CW Thursdays.

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