RIVERDALE: The Sticky Maple

We found this part of Riverdale’s third episode to be the highlight of our week. So before the new episode airs tonight, here’s our list of the funniest comments from Veronica’s sticky maple situation.

This post was co-written by The Sassy Gay.

10. CHERYL BLOSSOM – I usually pity the poor, but…

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The Hollywood Heroine: I didn’t really feel no ways about this one, is it an insult? Is it just like side commentary? It makes me feel like she forgot the rest of her joke. She makes the number 10 spot because I assumed she would’ve taken a harder shot. Three dotted endings are so overrated. Next…………

The Sassy Gay: I feel like Cheryl’s gotta keep it lowkey with her insults. Being queen bee at school only works if you have followers. And V could snatch that crown if she’s not careful. This was rude but def not too bad

9. SIMON SILVERSTEIN – Justice 4 Veronica Lodge!…Said no one ever!

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The Hollywood Heroine: LOL this was just straight up rude! It sounds to me like Simon would definitely be voting for someone like Trump so I already don’t like him. Also Simon, nobody would ever say Justice 4 Veronica Lodge because that just sounds stupid. So yeah, your insult sucked and your Instagram feed probably does to.

The Sassy Gay: SO straight up savage. Just point blank calling out V. This one got me – these Riverdale kids don’t let up

8. ADAM CHISHOLM – Who ordered the nasty girl? Not me…

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The Hollywood Heroine: We have two Adams on this list, but this one seems to be the party pooper out of the two. This Adam is not down for the nasty which is kind of boring. You’re very G-rated Adam, and we’re sorry you felt you had to admit that.

The Sassy Gay: This Adam is SO rude. And “Nasty girl”? Was he watching the Trump vs. Hillary debates or something?

7. ADAM MCDONALD – Wait actually – I’d still go 4 it. Don’t mind sloppies

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The Hollywood Heroine: On the other hand, I like this Adam more. He’s totally straight up, no shame in the game and he basically admits he’s down for the V regardless of the sticky maple sitch.

The Sassy Gay: Ugh so gross. Boys totally suck. I didn’t think people still abbreviated words with numbers. Adam’s gotta work on his comment game

6. LINA MURRAY – OMG. U gotta go V. Stop giving us a bad rap #stickymaple #BYE

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The Hollywood Heroine: Who’s giving who a bad rap LINA? The last time I checked Beyonce told us all to be feminists so why you joining in on this slut-shaming Instagram post? Why don’t you stop giving women a bad rap and check what team you’re playing for. #girlbye

The Sassy Gay: HASHTAG STICKY MAPLE. Can we please make that a thing???

5. FRANKIE VALDEZ – Girrrrll…GET! IT! TOGETHER!

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The Hollywood Heroine: I like Frankie, because Frankie legitimately seems like he/she is worried about V.  Like Frankie just wants V to get her sh** together and win at life. So I’m okay with Frankie, but also Frankie – caps lock isn’t cool and you just sound really aggressive. We appreciate you Frankie.

The Sassy Gay: LMAO. Realistically he should’ve opted for the “U” version of GURRRRRRRL. And true, he’s lowkey rooting for her? Maybe??? (Just trying to be hopeful on these harsh ass comments)

4. ACE MCDONALD/MCDOLAND – [We can send this girl back to NYC but we have 2 buy another ticket 4 her eyebrows.] [Actually, make that 2 more tickets. 1 for each eyebrow]

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The Hollywood Heroine: I love Ace because Ace felt like one comment wasn’t enough, so he clicked back to the comments section and dropped another shot at V. Also I died at this one because he was taking shots at her eyebrows, and that hits hard because we take our eyebrows very seriously. Her brow game is strong though so she shouldn’t worry. Also, looks like thats a typo – somebody getting fired in the graphics department.

The Sassy Gay: HAHAHAHAH. TWO COMMENTS! I love that he just came hard at her. One thing to note as well is when you watch that scene, there is a reaction shot of V reading them and she mouths “eyebrows”. DEAD.

3. BERK COOK- LEAVE R’DALE PLZ. U R GROSS. TAKE UR STICKY SELF BACK 2 NYC SO THE RATS CAN EAT U CUZ U DON’T EVEN HAVE AN APT ANYMORE.

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The Hollywood Heroine: Okay this one had me laughing the hardest because he literally wrote an essay to insult her. He couldn’t even spell Riverdale in its entirety, and then legit went all the way to introduce animals and the fact that she doesn’t have a residence in NYC anymore. Berk Cook, you are amazing.

The Sassy Gay: Lol Berk. The most full storyfied insult I’ve ever seen. I also love that he is lit-er-all-y shortening a tiny town. Like whyyy?

2. MIKE GOLLIGER – Wow fam, how ratchet is New Girl?

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The Hollywood Heroine: I think it’s safe to say Mike is a New Girl fan, because that sh** was properly capitalized like the TV show. But also, I love how family oriented he is when he’s slut shaming V on fake Instagram, he’s making her ratchet-ness known to all of his ‘fam’.

The Sassy Gay: AHAHAHAH. FAM, Riverdale trying real hard to be current with their slang. Good job, fam. Super current.

1. ANGEL ANGELINO  – Go back to New York, you nasty doe

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The Hollywood Heroine: Oh you nasty doe. I love this one just because it’s straight to the point and so savage. Also I love how somebody was like don’t write it with ‘though’ write it with ‘doe’. Amazing.

The Sassy Gay: I couldn’t stop laughing at all of these but this one killed me so hard. You’re right – so short and abrupt. No bull-sh, just full out shade


We hope you guys enjoyed the article – we had a blast putting this one together. Don’t forget to watch Riverdale on The CW Thursdays.

If this gave you a good laugh, follow us on Twitter:

@Hollywd_Heroine

@thesassygay

 

WHAT TO WATCH: RIVERDALE

If you’re feeling nostalgic about your high school days, or wish you lived in a small town, (don’t know if either of those are ever possible), but here’s why you should be watching Riverdale.

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The Town of Riverdale

Let’s start off with the foundation for the entire show – Riverdale. Yes, Riverdale, the quintessential suburban town that exudes everything Americana, and the same town from the Archie comics. Executive Produced by Greg Berlanti, who is literally the producer of all the other comic book shows, and airing on CW that airs literally all the other comic book shows, we can agree Riverdale is in somewhat good hands. But, not every quiet suburban town is as pretty and cute as Stars Hollow. And the fact that every single character in the first episode threw the ‘In Cold Blood’ reference, we were forced to believe something really shady going on in this town. And it all starts with a white teen getting murdered on July 4th.

The B & The V

I think it was Cheryl Blossom who coined the name, Betty and Veronica, aka B and V aka the new Blair and Serena. So I never read the entire Archie comic series, but from what I know these two chicitas were fighting over the same man, and for the most part hated each other. Well, this version of Riverdale is all about Beyonce and feminism – really just feminism. Sorry I still have Grammy brain. B and V are truly best friends, they’re all about girl power and we’re down for this. Now, we probably know that somewhere along the seasons they’re going to fight over Archie, I mean it’s bound to happen – who doesn’t want a little ging in their life. But for now, getting to see them create a really true sister bond, it’s something that doesn’t get much focus on TV these days. Also, I’m banking on Betty being bipolar and cray cray, so can’t wait to see how that plays out.

Archie Boy

New Zealand produced this generation’s real life Archie Andrews played by KJ Apa. He is so perfect for the role, it’s not just his mediocre acting chops (he has potential relax), he also looks exactly like Archie. With that ginger hair and that smokin’ bod, what’s not to like about the Arch man? With a huge secret (spoiler: he slept with his music teacher) we know he can handle an independent woman, and still charm the hell out of all the girls in his high school. My Archie forecast, I’m kind of over the teacher student affair story, so I’m hoping Archie falls for the Pussycat dolls singer who is obviously annoyed by his straight white maleness. Potential romance? I’m down.

Jugghead

They really went full throttle social outcast for the role of Jugghead. And I don’t mind it, I still think he’s cute in a really weird psycho killer way, but also his character is supposed to be like the wisest person in town. He always has this outsider’s perspective, and with his voice as the show’s narration you know he has Morgan Freeman wisdom potential. It seems like if there’s a secret floating around Riverdale, Jugghead’s probably going to know about it first (spoiler: Archie’s teacher affair) Also, Betty enlists Juggy to be a writer for the school newspaper, so it’s just all very cute, very high school-y.

Gossip Girl

Cheryl Blossom, aka Regina George, aka the twin sister of the white teen that got shot on July 4th, aka gossip girl. She’s not only gossip girl because she spreads all the gossip around Riverdale, but also doesn’t she sound like Kristin Bell from Gossip Girl? Kristin Bell was the voice of gossip girl – well she was the literal voice of gossip girl, not the figurative one played by Dan. (LOL, remember that? It’s still creepy to me after all these years) Anyways, Cheryl has a way of saying her lines in that weirdly intriguing fast talking way of explaining a back story, or when she’s convincing the audience as to why she showed up at the high school when B and V were in the middle of the B and E. (Betty and Veronica – breaking and entering, see! she’s so good at these tongue twisters) By the end of the third episode she’s not as villain-y, Cheryl joins the girl squad along with B and V, Barb Ethel (why can’t she ever have a non-grandma name?), and some other randos. It’s all about girl power right now and we love it.

The Parentals

I read a funny line today about the parents in the show and how their kids are exact carbon copies of themselves. So like Betty’s mom Alice Cooper is a journalist, and now Betty is working for the school paper. Or Archie’s dad played by Luke Perry is like a hot brooding confused loner/cool dude, and that’s exactly who Archie is. Veronica and her mom. Currently Jugghead has no parents. Cheryl and her parents, who just all have the same hair colour. So yeah, these parents are all up involved in the show, and so far Alice Cooper takes the trophy for most annoying parent. She’s so crazy and it was the best scene when Cheryl’s mom knocked her the f out. But let’s not forget about the big bag of money Veronica’s mom receives from big daddy.

As you can tell, there’s a lot going on in Riverdale. At the end of the day it still is a teen drama on the CW, they have a record of butchering shows down the line. But, from what we’ve seen and heard, (the writing is on point but I’m over the Blue Jasmine references) this show might have potential. It’s also one of the first shows to air simultaneously on Netflix, with episode releases weekly. So it has Netflix on its side, and a really good soundtrack. What else you waiting for? Start watching because it might win album of the year best new TV show.