Can you guys believe that it’s been 3 years since OITNB was released on Netflix? It definitely hasn’t felt that long but watching this new season we can see how comfortable our inmates have become inside Litchfield. So I wasn’t sure how to go about recapping this entire season, it’s been full of amazing story lines, and amazing writing, I think it has been my favourite thus far. Some reviews have been saying it’s their weakest because it’s been their funniest. I completely disagree, I think to have a season like this for their third season was perfect, we needed a break from all the heavy drama. This season felt less like we were being told a story and more like we were actually in Litchfield experiencing all these crazy shenanigans.
So let’s give all our special inmates some more time to shine by breaking down each character and discussing what they brought to this third season.
First up Piper and Alex!
Oh Piper, do you ever listen to yourself, like, when you speak? Piper’s character went from being the center of it all in season 1, and season 2-ish but was definitely an equal with all the other girls this season. This season Piper steps up and decides to start a dirty underwear operation by sowing together leftover pieces of material from their Whispers job assignment. She decides to make extra of these pink and frilly under garments and asks some of the prisoners to wear them until they’re dirty. Then she asks a new CO to take them out of the prison and hand them off to her brother who then sells them online. Crazy, maybe, but it worked. They sold like hot cakes. While Piper’s doing all this scheming she pays little attention to her now ‘offishyal’ girlfriend Alex who is dealing with her own crazy sh*t. Instead, Piper’s got her eyes on the new girl Stella who looks oh so cool behind that sewing machine. So obviously Alex starts to trip out and Piper’s not down for that sh*t, she’s like a boss ass bitch running her own operations now. Alex quits the biz just in time for Stella to swoop in and ‘help’ out. But Flaca’s got her eye on the prize and she tries to tip over Piper’s business by reminding the ladies they’re not even being paid for their services. After Piper has no choice but to start dropping cash into the inmates’ commissaries the trouble really starts. In all of this Piper’s trying to juggle a bunch of things, she’s now running an illegal operation, Alex and her are no longer together, Flaca is on her ass, and she’s really, really into Stella. At first Piper assumes Flaca was the one who stole the money, but then Stella innocently admits to taking the money because she ‘needs’ it to ‘land on her feet’. It seems as if Piper’s about to care, but then all of a sudden the CO’s barge in and find a whole bunch of contraband (that Piper found) and it’s all over Stella’s things. Uh oh looks like Stella’s going to the SHU, or max, in that case say hi to Nicki will ya?
Favourite Quote of the Season: ‘I don’t f*ck around. Let people know.’
So Alex is back at Litchfield, the season starts off with her wondering why and how she’s back there. But we all know how, it’s Piper’s basic white girl evilness. Alex is paranoid all season about Kubra her ex drug boss trying to kill her on the inside. The tables definitely turned this season between Alex and Piper. Alex has always been the instigator for most of their relationship, however this season Piper wanted to get on that V. Alex was just worried sh*tless that she was going to die. I did enjoy their dynamic, it was so different from what we’ve seen before and I love that Alex calls Piper out on everything. When Piper confesses that she’s the reason Alex is back in jail they argue but it just leads to hate sex. Later on in the season when Piper is all about her underwear business Alex chooses to step out of it because it’s become an actual illegal operation. One of my favourite scenes of the season happens when Piper talks about expanding the business and Alex is just over it all. She calls Piper gross, and tells her she doesn’t like this person she’s becoming. Agreed! But people do change when they go to prison. In the season finale Alex is in the greenhouse, when out of nowhere everyone leaves. Like how do you leave an inmate on their own tho? Anyways, she was just starting to stop worrying about Kubra and she turns around, and from the secret manhole in the greenhouse comes out Kubra’s assistant. And he’s ready to kill her.
Favourite Quote of the Season: ‘We all think we’re good guys’